he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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