you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize