Quick, to the slutcave!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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