HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
