im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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