gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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