That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
now i know why i became what i already was.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
