dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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