My friends, they love my intelligence
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
