i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
