how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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