peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
