i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
