I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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