I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
