four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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