Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
