she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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