You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
