anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
