I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
