this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
