What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
