you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
