We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
