Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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