Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
