so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
