I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im having a threesome with these popsicles
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
