absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize