Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I deserve this hangover.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
