Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I cockslap morals
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
