Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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