i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
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