i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
