I wish I only lived at night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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