my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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