Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
