he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
