I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
