Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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