Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
