do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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