Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
