ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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