I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
