i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's always time for handjobs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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