Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
