When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
