Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
