I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
