I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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