It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
