Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
