I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
