I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
