I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
