take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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