How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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