Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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