I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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