Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At least life still wants to fuck me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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