I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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