the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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