While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
